Pangs

It stretches longer and longer
Like a straining chewing gum
It doesn't thin out
It doesn't snap
Is it an umbical cord?
Bonding longing or binding fetters
Its more than that
Wish I could tell
Wish I could explain
The meandering blood rushing under the skin
Heart slowly stretching apart
There no pain
No sadness
No nostalgia
It is just when
I close my eyes I can relive
The place
The people
The time
The moment
I sigh….
I am happy
It is a lone belonging
Where is the pack?
To live through
Those
Nightly sudden
Spurts of pangs
and then the heart pines
for them
and only them
which brings back
the moment
the place
and then i long
like this to forever belong
this time
I sigh again.......

TRUISMS

Everyday common wisdom.

With due respect to Voltaire

(ref to the uninformed:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/v/voltaire106180.html)

The conventional wisdom popping in from the most unexpected sources and sometimes gyan sessions too. Watch out I may clash with Murphy and mostly "Tips to help you lead Life" :D(Gosh!!....) Comments invited!!



1) Any average earring is actually good enough to go out. Trust me… courtesy: Shilpi, roomie@ ECC, Infy Blore .


2) An MBA is a radioactive element. Do something decent before your next halflife… Courtesy @ Session during in Infy induction.


3) Your NPV is the highest straight out of college. Figure out ways to keep shooting it up or accepting the decadence! … courtesy @ Session during in Infy induction.


4) Try to make "home" where ever u stay… courtesy@ jags in a reply to the post “zindagi na milegi dobara”

(on http://wisdomtoothconvention.blogspot.com/2009/06/zindagi-milegi-na-dobara.html)

5) Sandal determination quotient: If it is comfortable then it ain’t good-looking by default. The comfort of a sandal is inversely proportional to its chic factor. … courtesy@rasika, sp jain classmate

Scary... huh?

The Cold.
Biting, indifferent indiffident cold
Gnawing away .. better still
Hung around like mist and
Settling down is the kill
The kind which makes
You shrug away breeze and rain
Not appreciate happiness
Nor pain
The one which robs the passion off you
Makes you cynic
Forever exclaiming “what’s new”
Makes you blind to little wonders
Apathetic still to raging thunders
Sparks of momentary vibe
Pushed to a corner, buried inside
Try hard to dig, grope and clasp
Hurls up like the sting of a wasp
Ouch!
It’s a burn which should draw blood.
Instead I call it a prick like I care
I look at the hurt stand and stare
No I am not a dead duck
But a dormanting volcano
Scary….
Whichever way…
Either erupt or dead.
Where is the life?

Zindagi milegi na dobara!

8.30 am 10th June, 09

I hum the tunes of rock on along. This is a song which has been in my mind for the good part of the last few months. One while we were at the fag end of leaving college and during the vacation when every one of my friends were joining different companies one by one. Was the wonderful little life we had built around the friends and affiliated dreams falling apart? Would we join a big MNC like everyone usually does and become a rat in while. How different in life gonna be?
I am tormented by these questions every reasonably alternate (which means once in 3 days :D) morning. I get up think of what’s planned for the day and get this blank wall hitting me head long… (contd)

3.00 am 12th June, 09

(contd)

My heart pines for “Home” and by home in this context I mean back to SP Jain days. What was so enticing and riveting I ask? The friends? The freedom? I guess I know the answer today.
The anticipation. Constraint less utopic anticipation. A firm belief that there was as much to gather as one could spread apart. A direct proportionality to the chased dreams and the plethora of opportunities. Its like dope shots! We all have moments of excitement and compelling dreams in every career amidst the unavoidable monotonicity. What then made SP so different at least to me….
Friends definitely. Friends for life, ones who literally live-in with u, effortless, undefined, unchallenged, non-proof required, latency ingrained friends!
Personal space. Non-transgressed. Universally sought after, silently acknowledged, non-hovered ever but always just around the corner when required personal space. Space to breathe and be alone, but never lonely. Accompanied by a set of individuals of lubricated frictional boundaries :D.
The pure love for the being of it. Love for every bit of the life in spite of being even totally friendless for a few months.
Love why? Did the ecosystem address every survival need? The intangible survival need. A bestowed importance serving the ego. Period. A scope to translate performance into immediate reward, a window to the sought after world, on a hyped platform.
How many of us get ALL of these in our jobs next? Is it really possible to replicate this once again, reconstruct a system?
For that matter not job, even the family and social circle. Does life necessarily have to change….
Trying to figure out!!

Lack Lovester...

People generally suffer from lack of love and then they suffer from too much of it. Sometimes there is none from anyone you know .. one of those days u spend lying flat on the beach counting stars and telling yourself tales "we come alone and go alone" fundas...

And then there are those days when your loved ones are in pain and so are you, more so when you are the perpetrator of it if not the cause of it. How do you end up becoming the aggravator? Well too much of love.. you either don't deliver the expectations or end up triggering perplexingly pain causing statements in your desperate attempt to ease the situation. In either case they get hurt 'cause they love you. The more they love the more they are hurt. The more they are hurt the more you are hurt. The more desperate you get to do something nice, you end up hastening and worsening things without giving enough space for the storm to settle down. After all how can you imagine leaving your loved ones alone when they are hurt? Not even when your presence is of no help? Not when your absence can better things? Not when you need let go of the selfish inclination to cling on even when you are of no use then and there but just to watch them battling personal wars? And to stay and trespass their personal space?

Well it is but too much of love. Harmful? Yes… there is plenty of love you are craving for but then would you want to derive the satisfaction of its presence from someone's pain? Pain which is caused because u hurt them and u hurt them because you love them and they got hurt in the first place because they love you.. who is happy eventually?

To much love and associated expectations, even more associated desperate endeavours to over -deliver expectations and make up things.. to give unlimitedly whether or not they require it.. whether or not it chokes them or stifles them and then expect in return? One person is bad enough and if it is multiple demands, multiple people and competing grid of expectations versus deliverables mapping? Are you capable of managing yourself and then don't you end up expecting with one person and delivering with another? I guess it is because eventually I guess we are all selfish human beings and look for zero sum game. You get from someone.. You give elsewhere. Maybe you take the one swho are giving for granted and start wanting the same from someone who is giving lesser. Maybe we actually compare or maybe we’re just pampered. Soemtime we give love someone more than they are capable of giving us so we go ask more elsewhere. We are not capable of managing our individual relationships perfectly. We can work to optimise the grid of expectations and deliverable but that is for self gratification not for our loved ones. Face it you are human!

And there is love anyways. And of course the associated pain but isn't the pain because of love.. so at least love is there.. but then.. (see there I go again!)

I am a Traveller

Brown white and purple grey
So many shades unfolding fray
One minute they sink beneath my feet
The very next the imprint leaves the sheath
Warm gentle waves lapping fresh
Cold ruthless ones brushing abreast
Flashing images buried in sand
Sparlking promises beackoning to fairytale land
A minute I stop for the scurrying crab
And then its gets lost in the purple scab
Am I a traveller chasing conch shells
So many colors casting spells
Some brittle some so very hollow
But none close to the promising hallow
Yet others have the treasure buried inside
It glimmers and vanishes like a fairy bride
Shiny bits stuck in the nails
Dewey bits in the feet weaving tales
How many more hues to see
How many more beach sprees
I lift my gaze to feel the horizon
The rocky daze stretches afar
I shift my gaze back to the sand
Colors unfolding imagination par
I am a traveller with many more sands to go
I sink my feet and let the waves flow
This the moment this is the stride
I know not the shells I seek
I know not what is inside
Dusk to dawn my journey holds
Many rock to sands have I to mould
Lend one more hue to add as I go
I will never stop my journey
I have no one to endow
I revel in this solitude
I cherish in the unfolding purple
The sparkles still lead me
The crabs hold me a while
I am traveller of the moment
Seeking happiness along the miles

Grate Expectations

This is my first prose post inspired by http://explearning.blogspot.com/2008/02/misunderstandings-bane.html
Misunderstandings a Bane!... Worth giving a thought to. However, it all stems from expectations. Expectations demand. Expectations set the standards of our normal compromisable dimensions as well our feel-good-factors to a hallow level. Unrealistic & Unattainable or Indispensable? I really cannot comment. 'Cause It is again a function of perception. There are times we choose to stick to the latter i.e the indispensable factor and there are times when we step down from the unrealistic factor and thus follow the former.

But expectations force us to assume , draw subjective analogies and arrive at conclusions which betray the expectations. We fret and brood and raise the bars of expectations even higher when we should have actually done the contrary. Either of the cases leads to either an alleviation of the situation or an aggravation; everything to do primarily in the fantasy-assumptions creator’s unfortunately every single one of us) mind. Fantasy-assumptions creator’s (unfortunately every single one of us) mind. Here is where it gets funny. If it gets better, one realises that what he or she is demanding/expecting is unrealistic and decides to step down then again there is a new set assumptions. Assumptions which contradict the previously "in-a-fit-of-anger-to-prove-the counter-party's-mistake" wrongly self figmented assumptions. Ironically both though wholly contrasting are created to temporality satisfy oneself. If the situations gets worse i.e when
the person decides not to step down and stick to "I cannot do without it.. It is indispensable" stand, then fresh assumptions to enhance the expanding mirage are created. It is self fed by budding masochism.

Where does this stop? Where are we all leading to? Can we fall out of this loop of entangled ego and insensible hallucinations? Unfortunately every one of us who does this knows the facts in the situations only too well but we undergo this ridiculous exercise to not have to admit the facts which we eventually have to . Why then expectations? But then don't we all get into this infinite loop... Every time someone does not deliver it the way we expect we tell ourselves not to expect and that it is so much sweeter when we don't expect and it chances upon us. Well I say this where starts all the trouble.. Happiness confereed upon us when we least expect just makes us anticipate so much more... I wonder where then the balance rests!